you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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