dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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