sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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