I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
