Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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