People in love make me want to vomit
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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