Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my shit smells like andre
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
