it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
