apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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