Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
