I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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