my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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