We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
