Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Your shirt... Was in my pants
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
