i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
