I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
