I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize