the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
