We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
