the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
