shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
