the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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