She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
