It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I didn't notice because vodka
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
