today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
