Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's rum buckets o'clock
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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