what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
