Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
