I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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