hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
