You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
