she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
