Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How does it feel to date your dad?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
