remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just made my gag reflex go away.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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