I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
