is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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