Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
