It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
