what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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