I skipped work to stalk him.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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