I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
