beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
