So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
