I CAN MOONWALK!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
