i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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