I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
