you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
