i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
