i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
