Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
