'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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