maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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