Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
