ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
