you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
