lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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