Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
