Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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