mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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