At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just pee around me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
