Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
