Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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