we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
