found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
