Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
