Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
