actually, I'm a sock model
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
