Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
