You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
