i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize