I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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