When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
