Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my shit smells like andre
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
