K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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