Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
