I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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