apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
