Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
